true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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