Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
