I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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