Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
