Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
