I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
