I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
