it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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