Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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