there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
