fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize