His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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