It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
