So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize