somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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