Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
