You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As shirtless as possible
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
