One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize