i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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