is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
