Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
