did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Will you blow on my dice?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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