we're chasing vodka with high fives
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
