I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
