Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
