I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize