also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
as a side note pls kill me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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