My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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