Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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