Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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