Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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