I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
