I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
