I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
