You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
