i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
