it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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