Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
