Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
