I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and she was petting her beer can
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
