Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
