Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is Oprah even human
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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