dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
