Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
