he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
