nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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