went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize
