brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
