I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
