I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
