please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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