Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
