I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
