dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
