For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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