ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
