he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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