I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
