Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
