Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
