K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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