is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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