you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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