ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
