I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
