video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
