you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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