btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize