this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
