grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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