okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
