I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
