i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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