he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
