even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
