Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
